I was never picked. What I loathed was that it was a school you had to pass an exam to get into, and yet there was this idiotic emphasis on sports. As I cared. When I was seven, I had a tested reading age of 19.

I now feel that sport was good in that it gave the stupid ones a chance to shine at something, but being picked last for some stupid game was not my finest moment. I console myself they all probably have seven kids and live in highrise council flats.

Not that I'm bitter, you understand