ext_362607 ([identity profile] jandyle.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] charliesmum 2005-10-26 09:20 pm (UTC)

Mindless praise: Yay! I like it! It reads a bit like it could become one of those Fear Street books I used to read as a kid. Very cool. I hope you have the ideas to continue, I'm curious.

critique: The last bit with the jump from slight creepy and hinting and graveyard scary stuff to a sudden scream seems a bit abrupt. Maybe a bit more build up to the first scream? Another scene or two first? I suppose that is just preference, and depends entirely on how long the story is to become (if it is to become more of a story at all).

Anyway, I hope you continue. :) I'll be looking for another installment. :)

Post a comment in response:

This account has disabled anonymous posting.
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
More info about formatting