charliesmum (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
charliesmum) wrote2006-04-05 11:41 am
charliesmum) wrote2006-04-05 11:41 am
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On House last night, there was a very protective mother, who was trying to protect her daughter's health. This morning Charlie's friend said something about not wanting Charlie on his baseball team, (which bothered me more than it did Charlie) and it got me to thinking about being a mother.
When they are babies you do everything to keep them physically safe - you put up safty gates, lock all the cabinets, get the most complicated car seat known to man, that sort of thing. And you make sure they are happy, and fed, and clean. When they get older, you continue to watch out for their safety with bike helmets and knee pads and continuous pleas to not slide down the bannister you can fall onto the piano and hurt yourself. They do still get hurt from time to time, and you are there with band-aids and kisses and a well placed, 'Well I told you not to jump out of the tree'.
Nonetheless, you know that they will get physically hurt from time to time, and you try to take it as it comes.
But how does a mother protect her child from being hurt by the general meanness exhibited by other people? I always believed that if I instilled enough self-confidence in my son he'd be able to deal with it, and I do think he is a pretty self-possessed kid, but this doesn't stop my heart from breaking when I see situations that expose him to the crueler moments in life.
The Autism lends a whole different aspect to it as well. I worry that kids are going to reject him because they think he is rejecting them.
When Charlie's friend said that about Charlie being on the team, I reacted emotionally, feeling defensive of my son. I know he didn't mean it against Charlie - he's going through some issues of his own, and I need to give him a break, but this, coupled with the fact the boys on the team didn't seem to want to play with Charlie, I got scared.
I remember the pain I suffered at the hands of my contemporaries when I was in grade school, and, despite her efforts, my mother couldn't stop me from feeling the pain of being rejected, of not fitting in, of feeling like I was somehow unworthy because I didn't meet up with the approval of the 'in crowd'. I don't want my son to feel that pain, and I don't know if there is anything I can do to stop it if he does.
When they are babies you do everything to keep them physically safe - you put up safty gates, lock all the cabinets, get the most complicated car seat known to man, that sort of thing. And you make sure they are happy, and fed, and clean. When they get older, you continue to watch out for their safety with bike helmets and knee pads and continuous pleas to not slide down the bannister you can fall onto the piano and hurt yourself. They do still get hurt from time to time, and you are there with band-aids and kisses and a well placed, 'Well I told you not to jump out of the tree'.
Nonetheless, you know that they will get physically hurt from time to time, and you try to take it as it comes.
But how does a mother protect her child from being hurt by the general meanness exhibited by other people? I always believed that if I instilled enough self-confidence in my son he'd be able to deal with it, and I do think he is a pretty self-possessed kid, but this doesn't stop my heart from breaking when I see situations that expose him to the crueler moments in life.
The Autism lends a whole different aspect to it as well. I worry that kids are going to reject him because they think he is rejecting them.
When Charlie's friend said that about Charlie being on the team, I reacted emotionally, feeling defensive of my son. I know he didn't mean it against Charlie - he's going through some issues of his own, and I need to give him a break, but this, coupled with the fact the boys on the team didn't seem to want to play with Charlie, I got scared.
I remember the pain I suffered at the hands of my contemporaries when I was in grade school, and, despite her efforts, my mother couldn't stop me from feeling the pain of being rejected, of not fitting in, of feeling like I was somehow unworthy because I didn't meet up with the approval of the 'in crowd'. I don't want my son to feel that pain, and I don't know if there is anything I can do to stop it if he does.
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I don't think there is anyway to stop these things from happening; sadly, it's a part of growing up. All you can do is be there for him when he's down, you can't stop the pain - but you can soothe it. Fortunately, Charlie seems to me to be a pretty upbeat kid, and that should make things a bit easier for him. Kind of like the difference between my oldest and youngest. The oldest takes everything to heart, takes hurt feelings very hard. But my youngest is more like Charlie, very upbeat, it takes alot to really faze her.
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I don't have any answers, but I do have big hugs. Charlie will make his way in the world. And pain helps shape people as well as pleasure. He has his share of happiness.
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((hugs))
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now he is in 'challenger' league little league, and LOVES it. its very interactive, parents are on the feild with the kids, and every kid on the team has a different disability, so they ALL fit in......it is so stress free.....hehe....and he loves it!
i hope charlie continues to love his team as much as he does now, so that you dont have to go through the same whirlwind of emotions that we did. But it all worked out good in the end. :-)