ext_53873 ([identity profile] kippurbird.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] charliesmum 2006-11-06 09:07 pm (UTC)

One bit of Constructive Crit.

You say "The Addisons and the Holtons are descended from Harrison Woodlawn,” And then you go into a long description of the Addisons, but you never mention the Holtons again. You might want to fix that.

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