charliesmum (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
charliesmum) wrote2005-06-10 10:18 am
charliesmum) wrote2005-06-10 10:18 am
Cuz she's still preoccupied with 1985
So I have one month to get in shape (or buy some sort of special undergarment) and do something fabulous with my life, as my 20th High School reunion is on July 9th.
A friend of mine, who I've known since I was 5 years old and speak to only occasionally, called to make sure I was going, and it just hit me, hard. 20 year reunions are for old people,' shouts the young person still inside me, 'how did this happen?'
It's funny how the things you are so sure are important and will remain important fade away as life goes on. I actually have to pause to remember names of boys I had crushes on, and girls who got on my nerves. I look back on the writing I did then and laugh at the soul-wrenching angst over things that matter so little now.
I think of the things that were important then, the dreams I had, the person I thought I was and the person I wanted to be and I do feel a sense of loss. Not because I'm terribly unhappy with my life, but because 20 years ago all I had were dreams, and life was nothing but vast potential. I'm not sorry for who I am now, but I mourn sometimes the loss of the person I thought I would be.
I don't actually remember much from my graduation, other than the valedictorian (one of the Girls who Got on my Nerves) gave what was probably the stupidest speech ever, it mentioned things like rainbows and fluffy kittens or something, sounding like something off one of the cheesier Halmark cards. Other than that, it was all a bit of a blur. Things like that always are.
I remember more clearly the rehearsal the day before, held in the school's gym. I was wearing this black sleeveless shirt that had, in neon writing, "1985, Orwell Was Wrong", that I thought was just tres witty. The rehersal was a was a long and boring process, and one guy sitting in front of my best friend and me kept saying 'We're going to get destructive!' making us giggle madly. I was trying very hard to make the moment as sentimental as possible, I told my friend, and kept saying things like 'this is the last time we'll be in this gym,' and, 'this is the last time we'll ever walk through these doors.'
So naturally we had to go back in the building several times, and never noticed which time was the last.
A friend of mine, who I've known since I was 5 years old and speak to only occasionally, called to make sure I was going, and it just hit me, hard. 20 year reunions are for old people,' shouts the young person still inside me, 'how did this happen?'
It's funny how the things you are so sure are important and will remain important fade away as life goes on. I actually have to pause to remember names of boys I had crushes on, and girls who got on my nerves. I look back on the writing I did then and laugh at the soul-wrenching angst over things that matter so little now.
I think of the things that were important then, the dreams I had, the person I thought I was and the person I wanted to be and I do feel a sense of loss. Not because I'm terribly unhappy with my life, but because 20 years ago all I had were dreams, and life was nothing but vast potential. I'm not sorry for who I am now, but I mourn sometimes the loss of the person I thought I would be.
I don't actually remember much from my graduation, other than the valedictorian (one of the Girls who Got on my Nerves) gave what was probably the stupidest speech ever, it mentioned things like rainbows and fluffy kittens or something, sounding like something off one of the cheesier Halmark cards. Other than that, it was all a bit of a blur. Things like that always are.
I remember more clearly the rehearsal the day before, held in the school's gym. I was wearing this black sleeveless shirt that had, in neon writing, "1985, Orwell Was Wrong", that I thought was just tres witty. The rehersal was a was a long and boring process, and one guy sitting in front of my best friend and me kept saying 'We're going to get destructive!' making us giggle madly. I was trying very hard to make the moment as sentimental as possible, I told my friend, and kept saying things like 'this is the last time we'll be in this gym,' and, 'this is the last time we'll ever walk through these doors.'
So naturally we had to go back in the building several times, and never noticed which time was the last.
no subject
I know everyone always says 'it's not like high school at all' and 'the cliques don't exist anymore, everyone is really friendly and the football captain is paunchy and balding and the head cheerleader is the size of a house now', but I don't believe any of it. I remember what these people were like 20 years ago, and have a hard time believing any of them changed that drastically. Bitter, me?
it just hit me, hard. 20 year reunions are for old people,
No kidding. I can't believe it's been that long. At the time of my ten year (no, didn't go to that one either), it was like, 'ten years, no big deal - but twenty years? AUGH. Makes me feel really old. Also makes me look and wonder what I've done with my life in that time. Yes, I went to and graduated college, became a good(ish) wife and good mother, but what else have I done? Not much, and that bachelor's degree is proving to be a waste of time and money. Maybe that's part of the reason I don't want to go. Bah, who knows.
Regardless, I hope you have a great time, and post afterwards and tell us about it. Maybe it'll change my mind for my 25 or 30. Heh.
no subject
I remember at the 10th how much older the boys looked then the girls. I wonder if that will be reversed now.
And if nothing else I have Charlie to brag about, right? (and I can make out that 2 articles published is a bigger thing than it is, I guess.)