I'm fed up with being reasonable

[charliesmum]

Charlie got kicked out of school again. Happened on Thursday too. He apparently got all aggressive and wouldn't listen, and started running out of the classroom, and was hitting, and threatening to bite, and being super horrible. He was fine for most of the morning, then something set him off.

I talked with the principal, and with Charlie's case worker, and nodded and agreed with what they were saying, and tried to come up with reasons for this behavior, and now I just feel like having a righteous mommy rant.

He's in a new school, with new kids, and new teachers. He'd been going to his old school since he was 3 years old, so it is a big adjustment, especially for a child who doesn't handle transition well. It's just been 1 week today since school started and he's had problems 2x. The other days, though, he was very good. So obviously something is setting him off.

I can't help but feel like the teacher isn't being very patient with Charlie and his problems. I can't believe he is the only kid with problems in the class. I know for a fact that one boy who was with Charlie last year, can be even more disruptive. I know it isn't fair to the other kids in the class to have the teachers have to spend too much time with Charlie, but that's why he is in a special class, isn't it? If he were totally mainstreamed I would understand the teacher's problem, but it is her job to deal with this. And the case worker said that 'yes, she is trained to deal with this, but Charlie is being so difficult' yada yada yada. And I can't help but wonder exactly what they are doing in the classroom that is setting Charlie off. Because he's not a horrible kid.

And then I'm being told that he had problems during the summer. Well, first I heard of it. No one told me that he was being difficult. For all I knew he was doing fine. I didn't have to go pick him up from school once this summer.

I wanted to see if he would go back to class this afternoon, because I don't want him to think I can just come get him whenever he doesn't feel like being in school, and I was told that the teacher didn't want him back. Yeah, that's a good attitude.

And the case worker suggested maybe he's ADD or something, and maybe I should look into getting him medicated. I'm sorry, but I'm not drugging up my child just to make the teacher's job easier.

I'd love to hear from anyone who is on Ritalin or something, or if they know someone, because the only one I know is my friend's daughter, and I didn't see it helping a whole lot. It helped her focus in class more, apparently, but the side effects where sometimes worse than the original problem. It completely killed her appetite, and this is a kid who didn't eat much in the first place, and made her even more emotional than she was before.

And I just don't like the idea of putting my son on drugs.

Anyway...thanks for letting me rant. I feel, well lousy still, but slightly better for talking to people about it. People I might add, who aren't my family and won't start giving me well-meaning but annoying advice that make me feel like a bad mother and want to throw things.

Comments

[fayzalmoonbeam.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that Charlie's having a hard time-I hope things are better now that you've spoken to his teacher. Does his class have any extra support or is it just the one teacher? I only ask because I'm currently teaching a child with Aspergers Syndrome and I get a classroom assistant for five lessons out of every eight-and I can guarantee that this little boy's productivity goes up 110% when there is someone there to help him with his work on a more one-to-one basis, and his frustration goes down by the same amount. Classroom assistants can be really useful as they can build up a relationship with children that class teachers don't have enough time to do one-to-one, and having someone there to guide definitely helps me, and the little boy, especially as there are other children in the class with literacy issues and other dignosed conditions (don't ask me how, but it's the class with vertually ALL the dyselxic children in this year-seems a little unfair on them, really, as they need extra support at times).
Of course, this is probably irrelevant if Charlie's in a class of less than 30 and there's no clasroom support-if that's the case, then the teacher shouldn't have any problems building the relationship his/herself.
I think it's really useful that you spoke to them, though, as the most vital thing is to have as much information as possible about a student-that way, it's so much easier to spot trigger points and possible issues in the classroom. If I had the time, I'd love to sit down with all of the parents of the children I teach for a proper chat, and not just the 5 minutes once a year on parents' evening. The information is invaluable! Did Charlie's old school pass on his records to his new one? Sometimes teachers don't know where to start if that information isn't received before the start of term-which makes your approach of talking to the school even more invaluble.
Anyway, I've droned on long enough-I hope you're both OK and things start to improve for Charlie :)
Best wishes
Fay x

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

He's in a 'special' class with about 6 or 7 other kids, and there is a teacher and an assistant. I did have a long meeting with the teacher and we went over a bunch of stuff that should hopefully keep Charlie on the path of rightousness or whatever.

Apparently what set the thing off was that he got his 'star' taken away that he had earned earlier for good behaviour because he kept answering the teacher's questions and didn't give the other kids a chance to answer. He kept calling out the answers. So he got upset, and it just triggered his behavior.

See, I admire you for being a teacher and having to deal with this on a daily basis. I imagine it is hard sometimes. Well, lots of times really. I am pretty lucky overall. Charlie is in a good school system, and has gotten lots of personal attention.

It was the 'case worker' who mostly got on my nerves.