Mindless praise: Yay! I like it! It reads a bit like it could become one of those Fear Street books I used to read as a kid. Very cool. I hope you have the ideas to continue, I'm curious.
critique: The last bit with the jump from slight creepy and hinting and graveyard scary stuff to a sudden scream seems a bit abrupt. Maybe a bit more build up to the first scream? Another scene or two first? I suppose that is just preference, and depends entirely on how long the story is to become (if it is to become more of a story at all).
Anyway, I hope you continue. :) I'll be looking for another installment. :)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2005-10-26 09:20 pm (UTC)critique: The last bit with the jump from slight creepy and hinting and graveyard scary stuff to a sudden scream seems a bit abrupt. Maybe a bit more build up to the first scream? Another scene or two first? I suppose that is just preference, and depends entirely on how long the story is to become (if it is to become more of a story at all).
Anyway, I hope you continue. :) I'll be looking for another installment. :)