(no subject)

[charliesmum]

Charlie's still having issues at school. I think I'm on top of it, mostly, but it is so frustrating.

I'm meeting with the parents of the girl who keeps accusing Charlie of stalking her - this I don't know what to do about - she recently said he chased her around the park. He said he saw her in the park, but didn't chase her. I'm inclined to believe him, but what if I'm wrong? I'm his mother, of course I want him to be right.

But generally I can tell when he lies, because he's not very good at it. And he said he saw her in the park and though 'ah, (girl's name) but didn't 'chase' her.

I really don't know what to do. I'm so afraid this is going to screw him up for life, and then he'll never be able to have a normal relationship.

I know kids his age can be extremely sexualised, but he's not, and sometimes I think the father is really assuming more, well, 'R' rated things than are actually happening, you know? Like the whole Katy Perry thing on Sesame Street. People got all up in arms because they thought she looked 'sexy' and it would affect the kids, when, at 2 years old, they don't know what 'sexy' even is.

All that being said, he's also gotten in trouble for fighting with the girl who's his 'old girlfriend' from last year. She's taken to being mean to him, and he's responding in kind, probably disproportionately so, and I need to find a way to teach him to defend himself without stooping to her level.

Plus I don't like the idea of him being mean. I'm not raising him that way. Hopefully.

Anyway...just a morning rant before I go off to work where I'm shut away from my beloved LJ. Sigh.

Comments

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I think the time has come for you to pick up a couple of books on the subject, maybe even the teen ones, since he is bright, and you can simplify it if you have to, the ones on social relationships and the spectrum. I haven't read any so I don't want to give any specific suggestions, but it is a niche that is growing every time I look it up.

With Fin, role play works a LOT. Modelling with an adult, then with a peer with prompts (usually a peer that needs helps too), and then with a typically developing peer, and then they kind of observe him with peers to try later on.

That, and any sort of outside activity you can get him involved in that has smaller groups and less pressure (and different ages) can just really help. I find that with the swimming, for example. It's social, builds his confidence, but isn't as intense as the socialization at school.

School stuff is so hard for all kids. Fin is actually having a better time in middle school than K did. And quite honestly, even Ted is forming somewhat meaningful relationships with his peers. Not quite equal but he enjoys time with them and seeks them out, and they do the same (I saw with my OWN EYES).

It's just practice, practice, practice.

Also, if he has an anylytical mind, the "well you don't like when it happens to YOU" or "that's not nice, don't do it" sort of discipline doesn't seem to work, in my opinion. A simplified cause an effect, what HAPPENS when you act like that, seems to work well when other methods don't work. Not like "Sally cries when you are mean" but "if you discuss someone's intelligence, they get upset, and then don't want to spend time with you. Other kids think you are a bully and they won't want to hang out with you either. And when you continue, the grown ups won't trust you and may not ask you to do extra nice things at school." Broken down like that is a different way to process it in the mind and might sink in better. And I do that with K, too, when she does things like call someone a slut (since teen girls do that) plus I explain to her (since she gets it) the sociological implications of 'slut shaming' and how it makes things bad for women, period.

Wow, I'm rambly today.

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. You always have good advice. I will look into those books.

His aide and I were talking of getting him involved in something like chess club. I think that would be good for him.

Also - yay, I can get on LJ again!

[drakonlily.livejournal.com]

:< I think that Charlie will be fine. It's not a good thing, but you know your son. My thoughts are with you.