(no subject)

[charliesmum]

Charlie has a scrape on his knee that he said came from kickball. So I first wax sentimental thinking, 'gosh, my baby is old enough to be playing kickball in school!' then I am transported back to my own grade school years and the utter, utter horror gym class would inevitably heap upon me. I was small, and sort of clumsy, and just not good at sports. I always, always, always got picked last. I really think there are few things more humiliating then standing there while the other kids around you got picked, and then at the end, when you are the only one standing there, the 'captain' who gets stuck with you rolls his eyes and says, "I guess we get you."

I ask Charlie, all casual like, if he gets picked first or last or in the middle. He said he gets picked last. He didn't seem terribly upset about it, but it just about broke my heart. Now I understand why kids might not want him on their team - he doesn't always 'get' team sports, and tends to wander away. But it still broke my heart. I don't want my kid picked last. I don't want him to suffer that horrible, sinking feeling in his heart when kids exercise their natural ability to be utter little bastards.

You all know I'm not one of those entitlement people; I believe that kids can be too coddled, and I do think that you can't shield children from the unfairness of life but this...why does this still go on? Why can't the stupid gym teacher make the teams? The whole point of bloody gym class (besides getting exercise because the Russians were doing it) is to teach team work, and that should include dealing with children on your team who might not be as athletically gifted as you are.

Kids in this country are forced to take gym class; they shouldn't be forced to be humilated twice a week.

Comments

[deviantauthor.livejournal.com]

Huge hugs. I was one of those who was always picked last. Ground sports sucked for me. However, had there been anything equestrian related, I could have held my own and probably excelled. Such is life--as a child, I didn't live where there was anything like that except 4H and that wasn't school required participation.

[carlanime.livejournal.com]

It's a good question, you know: why *is* it still allowed to go on? Why not just randomly assign the kids to two (or however many) teams, instead of letting them pick people one by one? Why assume small children will be fair or tactful, when obviously they aren't that way unless someone sets them an example?
And then being "team captain" could be a responsibility you earn by showing you can be fair and encouraging.

[hihankara.livejournal.com]

This isnt really fair of me to say, but my stereotypical impression of PE Teachers and coaches is that they are the same people who scream at kids out of the mistaken belief that it will make them perform better. And shout insults about how they are losers and weak if they have an injury or are tired.

No wonder people hate the thought of exercising--we were taught that it makes us feel nothing except inadequate even as kids!

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

I have formed a very unfavorable opinion of most PE teachers. Sadistic bastards, most of 'em.

There was a huge scandal at my middle school when two married PE teachers left their spouses and ran off together.

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

Were they two people of the same gender? Cause that's where my mind went. I'm sterotyping. Naughty me.

But still...giggle...

[bookgrrrl.livejournal.com]

I wasn't usually picked last, and when chosen for captain would always pick the usual "last picked" kids first because I thought it seemed mean to pick the same kid last every time.

Also, I have no idea why the teacher can't just have them number off 1,2,1,2. You could probably suggest that at a parent teacher conference.

[dindin.livejournal.com]

Word.

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

(((Charlie))) and (((you))) too! I feel for Charlie because I was always picked last, being a scrawny, nearsighted, un-athletic kid. I agree that PE teachers ought to just divvy up the teams themselves. I don't think being picked last "builds character" or any of that BS.

[amnormand.livejournal.com]

I'm with you on this one. I can see this happening to Rebekka in a few years. My heart breaks right along with yours.

Maybe you could talk to his teacher and ask that he assign teams for Charlie's class? Ask him nicely? Ask some of the other parents to support you?

Lots of hugs!

'Net

[teh-dale.livejournal.com]

Not only was I usually picked last, but I can't tell you how many times I was "traded" between teams in P.E. (as in, "We'll take the retarded kid if you take Dale...at least the retard can kick the ball when it comes his way!")

Phys. Ed. did nothing for me but decimate my already well-demolished self-esteem. The only thing you can do is try your best to work with the teachers in changing the way things are done, and do as much as you can to build Charlie's self-esteem at home.

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

Awwww...poor Child Dale. *sending back in time hugs*

Kids can be so very horrible. It was the same for me. I had very little self-esteem to start with, and gym class sure didn't help with that.

I honestly think they need to teach respect in school. Empathy. People go on and on about not damaging kids' self esteem nowadays, but they still don't do it right.

[fourthage.livejournal.com]

Picking teams is never fair. I stopped caring in elementary school when I realized that it didn't matter how good I was at the sport, being a girrrrrl meant I was guaranteed to be in the last half picked.

[cactus-wren.livejournal.com]

I'm friends with the gym teacher at my daughter's school, I'll have to ask him how he does it. I'd be surprised if he lets the team captains chose, he doesn't seem like the type to use that system.
I was always picked towards the end too, no one wanted the unathletic, bookwormish girl.

[cactus-wren.livejournal.com]

Ran into the gym teacher today and asked him how he chooses teams for gym class. He says he assigns them into two squads at the beginning of the year, and when it's time to do something as a team, he tells them to split up into their separate squads. Then if he needs four teams, *he* splits the squads in half to make two more. Said he couldn't believe any school gym teacher still lets the kids pick on their own that way, everyone knows it ends up making someone feel badly. I love our gym teacher.

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

Awwww, hon.

I think the team-picking system in gym classes is awful too, but for some perspective... he really may not be that bothered by it. I think it's wonderful and amazing that you're as worried about Charlie as you are, and I think it's one of the many many reasons that I rank you among the very best mothers I've ever known. But, and maybe as an autistic kid I have close to the same perspective as Charlie... I mean, I was always picked last in gym class, or close to. And I remember a couple of times when I was frustrated by it, or upset by it. But for the most part, I just sort of accepted it as the way things were. I wasn't a popular kid, and I always knew that, and for the most part (not always, but after a few years in school) I wasn't really bothered by it. I didn't mind when kids left me alone; it was the picking on me I couldn't deal with. Now, I don't know if Charlie tends to be a bit of a loner in school, nor if he is bothered by it if he is. But I think a lot of autistic kids tend to be that way. They live in their own world to some extent, but more importantly, they recognize from very early on that the other kids *are* in a different world from the one they themselves are living in, and I think many of them accept it fairly easily. Anyway, these are all generalizations and speculations, but my point is, if Charlie is used to living in his own world, getting picked last in gym class isn't going to feel like a rejection so much - it will just feel like the way things go. When I was younger I got picked last because I wasn't athletic and because the other kids sort of looked past me. But I accepted that as the way things always were, because often I felt like I was looking past them too.

Does this make any sense?

I'm sorry. It's late and I'm rambly, but basically, I just wanted to say that Charlie may be just fine with the way things are. Also, that you are wonderful. ::hugs::

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

It does make sense, and I do think I was far more bothered than Charlie was. Like you said, he's actually fine with being alone. It's more of a projection - I still remember how horrible it felt, and I really wish I could protect Charlie from those feelings forever.

If he can grow up as cool as you, that'd be good. :)

[thesibylqueen.livejournal.com]

I was the overweight, uncoordinated girl in my gym class, so I know that horrible feeling. But like others, I don't like PE teachers (or coaches, or many athletic types) because I think their attitude is that kind of isolation improves people, builds character, what-effing-ever. It only matters, I guess, if Charlie is bothered by it...*sigh* My heart aches, though, because gym class was always so painful for me...

[on-the-breath.livejournal.com]

Excellent point. (and I'm reading old posts again.) I always got picked last too. Thinking about what this teaches... few ever get to pick their own teams in the workplace. Yes, it'd be a better lesson in teamwork if the gym teacher picked the teams. And yes, that would avoid the humiliation too.