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May. 1st, 2007 11:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
charliesmumI need to know what to do. I just don't know what to do with my life. I'm holding onto this dream that somehow I can go back to school and get a degree in something I might actually be good at, but there is just no way this is going to happen.
I have been living in this dream that maybe, just maybe, my husband could earn enough to support us both, but that isn't going to happen either. I don't even know if we're going to make this month's mortgage payment, let alone the other bills I've not been able to pay. It doesn't seem to occur to him that not getting paid isn't a good thing. I mean, I know it must occur to him, but he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. His old job - Tradesource - called him and asked him to come back. It's kind of a temp company, but generally speaking when he was with them he at least had fairly steady work, and got a pay check once a week. Has he taken them up on it? Of course not. He keeps assuring me 'all this work' is coming in, but that's just it. It is always just coming in. It never actually gets here. I have a check to put in the bank that will cover the negative balance we have, but that's about it. If I go grocery shopping, it will all be gone again.
It doesn't bloody help that, despite everything I did, the stupid charge that bitch who stole my card made still went through on my account, which sent us even deeper in the whole. Yeah, it will be reversed 'in five business days' but meanwhile, there's been charges on our acccount and I have no bloody money.
I know I have to get a job, but like I said before I just can't stand taking another job I'm going to fail at. I'm not qualified to do anything except a job I suck at. I don't even know how I'd spin my resume so it doesn't look so pathetic. I mean, since I started his journal I've had 4 jobs, and I've only just had my third 'blogaversary'. I can't go through that again.
Why am I such a failure at life? Why couldn't I have married someone who could actually be a grown up? Why can't I be a grown up? I don't know what to do.
I have been living in this dream that maybe, just maybe, my husband could earn enough to support us both, but that isn't going to happen either. I don't even know if we're going to make this month's mortgage payment, let alone the other bills I've not been able to pay. It doesn't seem to occur to him that not getting paid isn't a good thing. I mean, I know it must occur to him, but he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. His old job - Tradesource - called him and asked him to come back. It's kind of a temp company, but generally speaking when he was with them he at least had fairly steady work, and got a pay check once a week. Has he taken them up on it? Of course not. He keeps assuring me 'all this work' is coming in, but that's just it. It is always just coming in. It never actually gets here. I have a check to put in the bank that will cover the negative balance we have, but that's about it. If I go grocery shopping, it will all be gone again.
It doesn't bloody help that, despite everything I did, the stupid charge that bitch who stole my card made still went through on my account, which sent us even deeper in the whole. Yeah, it will be reversed 'in five business days' but meanwhile, there's been charges on our acccount and I have no bloody money.
I know I have to get a job, but like I said before I just can't stand taking another job I'm going to fail at. I'm not qualified to do anything except a job I suck at. I don't even know how I'd spin my resume so it doesn't look so pathetic. I mean, since I started his journal I've had 4 jobs, and I've only just had my third 'blogaversary'. I can't go through that again.
Why am I such a failure at life? Why couldn't I have married someone who could actually be a grown up? Why can't I be a grown up? I don't know what to do.
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on 2007-05-01 04:16 pm (UTC)I'm sure you're qualified for more than you think. Or rather, I think you're overestimating the importance of "qualification." I've always been amazed at what people will hire me to do when I don't even understand the business. Put on glasses and a suit and people totally think you know what you're doing.
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on 2007-05-01 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2007-05-02 05:34 am (UTC)What can you do? Not what jobs, what job tasks?
no subject
on 2007-05-02 07:21 pm (UTC)I have a job and we're still falling in a hole. (In my case, I could stay home and be in about the same place...child care and tuition for my two is just slightly more than my pre-tax salary.)
I wish I could wave my magic wand and make it all work, but we both know it doesn't work like that.
Start with: what do you want to happen? and if not that, if that is impossible, then what would you want to happen? Keep repeating. Focus on the things you can control. You will find something that will help you feel less powerless. It may not be easy, but those things can be found. Incremental changes can help rather a lot.
Good luck.