Rainy Days and Mondays

[charliesmum]

Charlie and his friend had a great time at my parents' house these last few days. The weather held out, they got to go to the beach twice, so all was good.

The 2nd beach day they went with my dad, and later, at dinner, Tyler mentions very casually about how the lifeguard had to go out and get Charlie because he was out too far. This was news to my father and he had a figurative and retroactive heart-attack over the thought of Charlie being nearly swept out to sea and spent a good twenty minutes lecturing Charlie on the Importance of Following Rules.

My mother and I both had just enjoyed a glass or two of wine, so we were less freaked out then we probably would have been. I'm just very glad the lifeguards were on the ball.

I did email the job, for the record, and was told the decision would be made some time later this week. Arugh.

And now I'd love to hear opinions on something.

Charlie invited Tyler over today because spending the last four days in continous company with each other wasn't enough and while he was waiting for Tyler to come, Devon stopped by, as he is wont to do.

Devon is a nice kid, but I'm not crazy about the way he constantly comes over here without being invited. Charlie is never invited over to his house, and even if they go there they seem to wind up back here before long, and I get a bit aggravated that I'm constantly responsible for this kid who will drink all my juice boxes and eat all my snacks without asking me first.*

I think it is nice Charlie has friends who want to play with him, but sometimes, like today, Charlie really doesn't need the extra stimulation, and he knows it. He wants just to play with Tyler, so he asked me when Devon has to go home.

This is where my problem comes in. I don't want Charlie to be one of those kids who excludes friends, and I don't want Devon's feelings hurt, but I wanted Charlie to deal with this on his own. He told Devon he should go home by three, and then Devon asked me why. I didn't know what to say.

I thought it was a good compromise for Charlie to make - this was around 2 - he wasn't kicking Devon out, but he was setting limits. I just am not sure if I should have told him to just play with Devon and Tyler the best he could.

What do you think?



*Also his mom is the one who decided she didn't like me any more, so I get these unreasonable feelings of annoyance at the poor kid because of that.

Comments

[chavvah.livejournal.com]

When I was a kid, my crazy aunt hated it when I had friends over. She would almost always tell me to go outside and play with them when they came to call on me. On those rare occasions when they were allowed to come in and play, she did everything she could to convince us to leave (vacuuming around where we were playing, etc).

When I was about eleven, I had a big fight with my friends, three sisters from next door but one, because they were complaining that I always came over to their house to hang out and watch television (we didn't have cable) and--get this!--their parents were tired of me being around all the time.

We never played together after that--in fact, they pranked my house on Halloween and would often call me rude names when they saw me in the street--and I was a pretty lonely kid for a very long time.

Considering Devon's mom's actions towards you, it seems not just possible, but likely, that his mom is not a very nice person. It's possible that Devon feels more comfortable in your home than he does in his own, the way I did at my friends' next door, which is why he eats all the snacks, etc.

That having been said, obviously Charlie's needs are important and should be paramount to you, as you are his mother. But, although I could be totally wrong, it sounds like this other kid could use some mothering too.

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

Okay, I just want to hug you now. And go back in time and yell at those girls.

You make a good point, too - maybe Devon just feels happy here. Although I also get the feeling Charlie's last on his list of people to play with; if others aren't home, he comes here, but he still likes Charlie, and I should just be as tolerant as I can.

[robinchristine.livejournal.com]

I think that was very fair. If Charlie doesn't want him to stay all day, he shouldn't have to. It would have just ended up frustrating the both of them.

[zambonigirl.livejournal.com]

I had to be pulled in by a lifeguard one time. I was a teenager, and he was totally hot, as lifeguards are wont to be, and I was way embarrassed. Thank goodness Charlie had one watching him.

As for Devon-"I'm sorry, hon, but we made plans at X time, and you're just going to have to go home. Why don't you come over on X day, and you and Charlie can play then!"

I don't think that you're being unreasonable about the way he pops over, either. Especially given the background with his mom, and the way that you always end up hosting no matter what. I think that you can also make your juice and pretzel reserves unavailable to him in this way. "Sorry, Dev, but I don't have any juiceboxes to give you boys right now. Here's some water!" You're not lying in either instance. You have made plans, and you don't have any spare juiceboxes. One of my friend's moms was a big nutritionist growing up-one of the brothers was hyperactive and was kept on a strict diet-and we were allowed one cup of juice, but then we had to drink water. Chelsea's mom used to make the powdered Countrytime lemonaid and mix TONS of water in with it. It was like drinking lemon-laced water. Water itself actually tasted better, so that was what we drank.

Sending Devon home also seems reasonable. Charlie didn't want to share Tyler with him, so he shouldn't have to at this point. Also, three boys is a LOT of work, no matter how well they might all play together.

Anyway, it's your house, your rules.

[cactus-wren.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I've used the 'I'm sorry, but Mallory (or Holly, or both) have company over right now, you'll have to come back later to play with them' ploy plenty of times with the ill-behaved kids who live down the street. Not saying Devon is ill-behaved, just that it's possible to tactfully turn a kid away.
Also, I find it rather offensive that even when Devon and Charlie go to Devon's house, they end up at your house. That seems like the mom's doing, if you ask me. And I don't think too much of that woman to start with.

[femaelstrom27.livejournal.com]

I would love to watch Charlie after school :D I don't know what days exactly I'll have commitments. I'll probably have GSA on Wednesdays, and Drama Club at some point, but whenever else I'm free that sounds terrific!

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

That's cool! First I have to get the job, of course...then we can play it by ear. Once we know your committments, I can make other arrangements for those days.

I know he'll love you as a babysitter! - Do you still have my phone number? email me at carolalutius at gmail dot com and I'll send it to you.