(no subject)

[charliesmum]

It takes Charlie awhile to process things, so I knew that the death of our cat Butch would eventually come up again, and it did so last night.

Over the last few weeks, he would say at random times, "I miss Butchie" or "I wish Butchie weren't dead" but last night he had his 'Webkins' cat, and he made it sit like 'duck kitten', something he used to call Butch whenever the cat sat with his paws tucked under his front, and that, I think, triggered his grief.

It's good, because he hadn't really dealt with it, but it was so sad. He cried for an hour. I asked him if he wanted to have a ceremony to say goodbye to Butch, but he said he 'didn't want to set him free,' he wants Butch here with him.

Sort of tricky metaphysical ground to tread at 10 at night.

I'm thinking maybe we should do something, so he can say good-bye. I know from my own experiences that it is a good thing to have that chance, regardless of who it is who's died.

What do you all think?

Comments

[pinguthegreek.livejournal.com]

Do you have a photograph album just for Butch ?

Maybe making one up or just sitting looking at one will help him process his feelings, so it's a way for you and him to instigate a conversation about his grief without the need for a formal letting go ceremony ?

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

I was actually thinking about getting out all the photographs of Butch through the years and letting Charlie make a scrapbook.

[pinguthegreek.livejournal.com]

:) I hope it helps. My family never really had pets, so I didn't have to deal with the grief that comes when someone you love dies until I was in my early twenties, which was very very hard. And for Charlie, it will most likely always be a bit tougher to get to grips with feelings like that. I'm so sorry that you lost your cat, but this way, you start to prepare him for difficult things you will both have to face sometime in the future. And you need a way of working out what Charlie can be expected to understand and if there are any things that really aren't going to be understood by him, even when he's an adult. I think you are a really good Mom.

[rachet.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. Closure is so very very important.

*hugs to Charlie*

[placeboweek.livejournal.com]

Doing something would be good, when Charlie's ready.

'Duck kitten' is just about the cutest thing.

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

Charlie had the funniest names for Butch's sitting and sleeping positions. My other favorite was when Butch was 'laying like Russia'.

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

Definitely do something when he's ready for it.

[crossbow1.livejournal.com]

I have no idea. They say funerals provide closure, but I've never been to one. All my cats that died, died of illnesses so we knew it was coming and had time to say goodbye while they were still around. And my grandparents too, actually.

[kirathaune.livejournal.com]

How about we get a picture of him and have a wake? Charlie can drink cider, WE can drink the hard stuff!

[pinguthegreek.livejournal.com]

I love the idea that he will get to see that you can be sad but celebrate the happiness of an animal's life.

[charliesmum.livejournal.com]

I think that's a good idea!

[kippurbird.livejournal.com]

I know that saying goodbye is very helpful. My brother didn't have a chance to say goodbye to a friend who died for five years and it ate him up. While a cat's death isn't the same as a human's death I think it would be helpful nonetheless.

[motherdragon.livejournal.com]

Closer is needed at any age no matter how you do it, it will be good for him to be able to say goodbye. You are doing the right thing and another would be to point out all the fun you had with butchie remeber the good time and point out that now he can catch all the mice he wants and have plenty of other cats to play with as well. Whatever will help him get through the pain of the loss.