Basically just getting this off my chest
Jul. 8th, 2006 09:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
charliesmumCharlie hasn't had too many 'bad episodes' recently, but last night lack of sleep combined with (probably) too much food with dye in it, caused a meltdown of momentous proportions.
A little background in case it becomes necessary. We'd gone to the pool in the evening and had dinner with our friends and assorted children, and then went back to the A's house for drinks around their lovely fire-pit in their yard. There were three families all together, me and Charlie, the A's and their 4 children and the "M"'s and their three children, one of whom has Down's.
I'd told Charlie we were bringing his jammies and his sleeping bag, so he could 'go to sleep' when the other kids do. (The M's left earlier as they had a nurse visit thing for their daughter) We've done this before - it gives me extra time with the grown-ups, and keeps Charlie from feeling lonely when the other kids go to bed.
Well, last night he really, really had it in his head he was going to spend the whole night, and packed his cuddly toy du jour, his new Suduku game, and snacks to share. It was cute.
All was going well, the kids treated us to an impromptu concert started by the eldest M daughter, who sang this hysterical song she'd learned in Brownies about a surfer dude getting eaten by a shark.* Charlie did an excellent rendition of the Lollypop song, complete with using his finger to make the popping sound at the appropriate moment.
Then it happened.
He'd forgotten some pieces for his Suduku game. The M's were gone by this point, the babies and the 5 year old were in bed, and it was time for the boys to settle down. But Charlie wanted to play his game. He wanted me to go home, get the pieces and come back. I said no. He didn't accept this answer, which should have been an early warning sign for me, but he's usually good at pulling back at times like these, and I thought he'd manage.
He didn't.
J had to lock the front door so he wouldn't run home without us knowing, and it just got worse from there, he started throwing things and slamming things and I had to take him home.
That set him over the edge. J had to help me get him home because he wouldn't go. (and thank God because I'd still be out there.) I'll spare you the ugly details, but anyone driving by might think we were kidnapping the child, and with good reason.
Once home, I tried again to calm him down, and tell him why we couldn't go back. "You blew it," I told him, probably inappropriately, trying to appeal to reason which, by this point had left the building.
It was ugly. He was hitting and throwing and crying, then he would hug me, start to calm down, and just when I thought it was okay, he'd start over again. By the end I myself was in tears.
He did finally pull himself out of the abyss, and hugged me again saying, "I'm sorry I blew it up, Mommy," and we lay in my bed for a bit until he felt ready to go to sleep.
It was exhausting, both emotionally and physically.
He'd been getting up so early this week since the stupid bus is picking him up at 7am, and he's adjusting to his new schedule and summer school and, stupidly, I let him buy this horrible sugar drink from the candy store that was basically sugar, water and dye, and then he had a red, white and blue popcicle which, again, is all sugar and dye. And, with the holiday, he's probably had more things with dye in it than usual.
I should have paid more attention, but I didn't, so naturally I fee guilty. And I can tell the difference between normal "I'm 8 and I'm having a temper tantrum" and "I'm Autistic and I'm losing control" and this was definitely the latter, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. You never stop wanting to take on your child's burdens, I think.
But it is a new, sunshiny day, and all is right with the world. For now.
I'd like to hear from mothers with Autistic children/people on the spectrum (You know who you are)to see what your stories are when it comes to this sort of thing. Strength in numbers and all that.
On the plus side, I got carded at the liquor store last night! They have a sign that says 'anyone under 30 will be asked for ID' or something similar, why I don't know, and in all the times I have gone into that store I have never, ever been carded. but they carded me. I was totally surprised. It was awesome.
*We never sang dark songs like that when I was in Brownies. It was all 'make new friends and Michael row the boat in them days.
A little background in case it becomes necessary. We'd gone to the pool in the evening and had dinner with our friends and assorted children, and then went back to the A's house for drinks around their lovely fire-pit in their yard. There were three families all together, me and Charlie, the A's and their 4 children and the "M"'s and their three children, one of whom has Down's.
I'd told Charlie we were bringing his jammies and his sleeping bag, so he could 'go to sleep' when the other kids do. (The M's left earlier as they had a nurse visit thing for their daughter) We've done this before - it gives me extra time with the grown-ups, and keeps Charlie from feeling lonely when the other kids go to bed.
Well, last night he really, really had it in his head he was going to spend the whole night, and packed his cuddly toy du jour, his new Suduku game, and snacks to share. It was cute.
All was going well, the kids treated us to an impromptu concert started by the eldest M daughter, who sang this hysterical song she'd learned in Brownies about a surfer dude getting eaten by a shark.* Charlie did an excellent rendition of the Lollypop song, complete with using his finger to make the popping sound at the appropriate moment.
Then it happened.
He'd forgotten some pieces for his Suduku game. The M's were gone by this point, the babies and the 5 year old were in bed, and it was time for the boys to settle down. But Charlie wanted to play his game. He wanted me to go home, get the pieces and come back. I said no. He didn't accept this answer, which should have been an early warning sign for me, but he's usually good at pulling back at times like these, and I thought he'd manage.
He didn't.
J had to lock the front door so he wouldn't run home without us knowing, and it just got worse from there, he started throwing things and slamming things and I had to take him home.
That set him over the edge. J had to help me get him home because he wouldn't go. (and thank God because I'd still be out there.) I'll spare you the ugly details, but anyone driving by might think we were kidnapping the child, and with good reason.
Once home, I tried again to calm him down, and tell him why we couldn't go back. "You blew it," I told him, probably inappropriately, trying to appeal to reason which, by this point had left the building.
It was ugly. He was hitting and throwing and crying, then he would hug me, start to calm down, and just when I thought it was okay, he'd start over again. By the end I myself was in tears.
He did finally pull himself out of the abyss, and hugged me again saying, "I'm sorry I blew it up, Mommy," and we lay in my bed for a bit until he felt ready to go to sleep.
It was exhausting, both emotionally and physically.
He'd been getting up so early this week since the stupid bus is picking him up at 7am, and he's adjusting to his new schedule and summer school and, stupidly, I let him buy this horrible sugar drink from the candy store that was basically sugar, water and dye, and then he had a red, white and blue popcicle which, again, is all sugar and dye. And, with the holiday, he's probably had more things with dye in it than usual.
I should have paid more attention, but I didn't, so naturally I fee guilty. And I can tell the difference between normal "I'm 8 and I'm having a temper tantrum" and "I'm Autistic and I'm losing control" and this was definitely the latter, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. You never stop wanting to take on your child's burdens, I think.
But it is a new, sunshiny day, and all is right with the world. For now.
I'd like to hear from mothers with Autistic children/people on the spectrum (You know who you are)to see what your stories are when it comes to this sort of thing. Strength in numbers and all that.
On the plus side, I got carded at the liquor store last night! They have a sign that says 'anyone under 30 will be asked for ID' or something similar, why I don't know, and in all the times I have gone into that store I have never, ever been carded. but they carded me. I was totally surprised. It was awesome.
*We never sang dark songs like that when I was in Brownies. It was all 'make new friends and Michael row the boat in them days.
