Thinking about pain
May. 28th, 2007 08:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
charliesmumCharlie's Four-Leaf Clover Count: 37
So, I'm in a sort of funk today, possibly because the whole party thing is over now, you know how it is, and I'm back to mostly worrying about money and will we be able to cover the mortgage and how I really ought to be looking for a job and that sort of thing, and it is making me feel sad. I'll get past it, but it's there, always, looming like a shadow.
Then someone on my flist posted a very sad post about how she is feeling very hurt over something in her life, and it made me feel sad, because she was in serious dispair, and from where I stand, in my aged wisdom, I know she will get past it, if she just lets herself.
What I want to say to her, and to the other people on my flist who are young and faced with what they think is the worst pain ever, is that life if full of shadows and sunlight, and sometimes you'll be in so much shadow you think you've lost the sun, but if you just keep moving, you'll find the sun again.
It is at times like this when I think of my grandmother, standing naked in front of her full-length mirror, a gun to her head. She got to a point where she couldn't see the sunlight anymore.
Sbe was looking for the pain to end, but it didn't, it just shattered into a million pieces and hit every person who loved her, and we have to carry those shards in our hearts for the rest of our lives. It makes our own shadow times that much darker.
On the other hand, when I am feeling dispair, I think of her, and I know that, for her sake I will get through it, and find the sun again. Because if I find it, maybe she'll feel it too, wherever she is now.
So, I'm in a sort of funk today, possibly because the whole party thing is over now, you know how it is, and I'm back to mostly worrying about money and will we be able to cover the mortgage and how I really ought to be looking for a job and that sort of thing, and it is making me feel sad. I'll get past it, but it's there, always, looming like a shadow.
Then someone on my flist posted a very sad post about how she is feeling very hurt over something in her life, and it made me feel sad, because she was in serious dispair, and from where I stand, in my aged wisdom, I know she will get past it, if she just lets herself.
What I want to say to her, and to the other people on my flist who are young and faced with what they think is the worst pain ever, is that life if full of shadows and sunlight, and sometimes you'll be in so much shadow you think you've lost the sun, but if you just keep moving, you'll find the sun again.
It is at times like this when I think of my grandmother, standing naked in front of her full-length mirror, a gun to her head. She got to a point where she couldn't see the sunlight anymore.
Sbe was looking for the pain to end, but it didn't, it just shattered into a million pieces and hit every person who loved her, and we have to carry those shards in our hearts for the rest of our lives. It makes our own shadow times that much darker.
On the other hand, when I am feeling dispair, I think of her, and I know that, for her sake I will get through it, and find the sun again. Because if I find it, maybe she'll feel it too, wherever she is now.