(no subject)

[charliesmum]

The little girls my friends were fostering got taken away. The paternal grandmother won custody of them, which I personally think is stupid as her son is currently incarseated for several years for severely beating up someone. Doesn't indicate to me she has good parenting skills. But she does seem to care for the girls, and that must count for something, I don't know.

What do you think? Is it nature or nuture? Could someone be raised well and still turn out to be violent? Maybe it was totally drug related, I don't know. I do wonder what will happen when he is released after having his violent tendencies honed to perfection in jail and he goes home to his mommy and the girls.

The mother of the girls checked herself out of rehab after one day, which doesn't indicate she is in any hurry to change her behavior, but maybe the thought of her girls being put in custody of her husband's family (ex? I don't know) will really spur her to grow up and be a good mother.

At any rate it is sad. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. I really, really hope they are going to be okay. It is so easy to damage children, and the thought of those sweet little girls following in their parent's footsteps makes me want to cry.

In happier news, my husband got me a Topper's Spa certificate for Valentine's Day, so now I have a nice massage to look forward to.

Comments

[bluthgirl.livejournal.com]

As someone who is adopted this type of thing bugs me. Biology imo has little to do with providing a good home. I think it's a 50/50 split when it comes to biology vs. heredity. However, in this situation it seems like they are putting the girls in a potential destructive environment.

[chrysantza.livejournal.com]

I agree that it's probably a toxic environment for the little girls. While some people are born with more "difficult" temperaments than others, good parenting can channel a difficult temperament to more constructive ends (Albert Schweitzer, just for example, was a notoriously "difficult" tempered man who did a lot of good in the world).

Anyhow, this seems to be a cycle in some very poor and disrupted communities: Crappily parent your own kids so they grow up unable to parent the grandkids, then get custody of the grandkids and try to make up for messing up your own kids. Sigh.

[jandyle.livejournal.com]

It might not be bad for the girls to live there. You don't really know what went on with their Dad, maybe his Mom was in an abusive relationship and it was the Dad/Stepdad that messed him up, you know? A lot could have changed in the woman between when her son was growing up and now.

I hope the girls will be ok.

[zambonigirl.livejournal.com]

I've noticed that a lot of time, one child is just totally different than the other children. It is possible that this person got involved in drugs and had a downward spiral in his life, and that's what's caused his problems, not his upbringing.

However, I think it's really sad that the girls were taken from their foster mommies.

In other news, I'm glad you get a spa day. Have fun!

[meadowrue.livejournal.com]

I tend to lean towards the nurture side of the spectrum. I think children are all born with their own temperaments but that environment is largely responsible for how well they are able to achieve their full potential.

It is really sad that the girls where taken away. Perhaps the girls will be easier for the grandmother to handle and she will have the benefit of age to look back on what she needs to change in her parenting. Maybe that's just me trying to make you feel better though. Yikes.

[cactus-wren.livejournal.com]

Hopefully grandma is a better person than her son. One can only hope. And also hope if she is indeed a better person, that she continues to keep custody after the son gets out. I think it's a matter of nature, not nuture. After working with juvenile delinquents and in domestic relations court, I've *seen* that you can be raised by good people and still turn out bad or vice versa, be raised by bad people and become determined to be better than they were. I hope they do well where they are.

[deviantauthor.livejournal.com]

While I haven't worked in the field you have, I can agree with you on your statement.

I've seen wonderful parents wind up with offspring that turned out horrible, deliberately made bad choices, etc.

I've also seen crappy parents wind up with offspring who were amazingly responsible, etc.

So I guess it can go either way.

[slammerkinbabe.livejournal.com]

I see why you're concerned about the girls, but I think I'd reserve judgment until I saw more of how the grandmother cared for them. I do think that in many cases violent adults are the products of abusive childhoods, but I don't think it's always that way, and when it is, it isn't always the fault of the family. A kid who was sexually (or physically, though that's less common outside of the family) abused by an uncle, a family friend, a priest, a teacher, or a stranger may have been troubled and acting out for years, eventually turning violent, without its having anything to do with his family. He could have been a victim of some horrible crime that turned him hard and then violent. In addition, violence sometimes just comes from out of nowhere. Sociopathy is something even the most loving family can't prevent or cure. Of course, sociopathy's rare. Addiction, as you mention, as well - that can be entirely genetic (sometimes), nothing to do with nurture, and still lead people to do some really awful things.

I'd say that while you have cause to be concerned, I wouldn't make any judgments just yet. I'm really glad you're so concerned for them, though. I don't know whether you'll see them again, but it means a lot just to know that you care.

[sierram.livejournal.com]

Makes you want to cry,doesn't it?Who really knows what's right,they say blood is best but for sure,that's not always the case.I just hope the state follows up on those little girls.I always think there should be a special place in Heaven for folks who take in foster kids.They are doing SUCH a wonderful thing,providing a safe haven when it's so badly needed,but my problem is,I couldn't let go...thats why I can't do it.
Thank god there are those who can.