(no subject)

[charliesmum]

During the summer, I had to beg money off of my parents so we could pay our mortgage. I didn't want to do this for many reasons, the chief of which was it would be unequivicable proof to my parents that they were right all along about The Husband. My mother gave me the money, but basically said that in exchange I had to make 'changes', i.e. leave my husband. She told me to put my house on the market because it's falling apart anyway and I can't take care of it and Husband sure won't and so on and so forth.

I have been thinking about doing that, but it is a big step, and I kept hoping everything would just go away, I guess. I don't want to uproot Charlie, even while part of me sort of likes the idea of just chucking it all and starting fresh somewhere.

Meanwhile, leaving the husband...easier said than done. Again, big step, is it one I want to take? I don't know. Again with the uprooting of the child, and more significantly, I can't currently support myself. My job isn't permanant yet and I'm not bringing home enough money to support myself, let alone my kid, and Husband is coming home to watch Charlie in the afternoons, which I realise defeats the purpose of me working, but I can't afford to hire someone right now...but you've already heard that song.

Right, so, the Husband is in the play as a last minute thing - someone dropped out, we needed a Bowswain. I wasn't thrilled about this, but we needed him, and he could do it. My mother comes to the play on Sunday. She leaves at intermission with some lame excuse about having a dinner to go to.

I knew left because she was upset because husband was there. I knew she was upset because I haven't done any of the things she's told me to do. I was hurt.

She called me today and basically said everything I just said above. She is disappointed in my life. She feels like I've lied to her about making changes.

The worst part is I know exactly how she feels. I feel so stuck, and I don't know what to do. I am not sure I want to leave the Husband, sell the house, uproot the child, which is what Mom thinks I should do, but at the same time, I just can't live like this anymore.

I'm such a complete failure. I have no savings, my credit sucks, I don't have a career. I have nothing. If I let go of what little I have I'll have less than nothing.

I need a fairy godmother.

Comments

[cherydactyl.livejournal.com]

I can totally relate. I'm not really ready to talk about my situation much at this point, and in my case the husband is gainfully employed in a reasonably well paid field, but your situation does not seem all that different from mine in many ways. Hang in there. I know your mom is trying to help, but strong-arm tactics may do as much harm as good. at least she is looking out for you and Charlie. My mom is too wrapped up in her own crap to care about mine, which is par for the course.