Ethical Connundrum

[charliesmum]

I am interested in getting your opinion on something.

I've been driving Charlie's friend to school in the mornings - his house isn't really out of my way, and I go right past the school on my way to work, and now the weather is bad it just makes more sense then sending them to the bus stop.

This morning, he handed me a card, and in it was $20.00 and a thank you for driving.

Now, with my current financial status, an extra $20.00 I wasn't expecting is rather welcome, but I feel a bit guilty about accepting it.

What do you think?

Is it rude not to accept a gift? Should one just give a heartfelt thanks, and move on, or should one say "Oh, I couldn't possibly accept this. It is my pleasure to drive the kid every morning."

Comments

[jandyle.livejournal.com]

I'd accept it with thanks. You are helping them out by driving their child to school, and being close to holiday time this is when everyone gives gift cards/cash to people who otherwise might just get thank you cards or some such thing.

[lietya.livejournal.com]

I think it's a nice twist on what I was expecting, that he or his parents would turn out to be rude and entitled about it! This is the mannerly and kind thing to do; it's what SHOULD be done. Put another way, someone's parents are teaching him right, and you don't want to undermine that, right? ;)

[wolfma.livejournal.com]

Accept it. You're making an expenditure of gas, after all.

Besides, it's very nice.

[chavvah.livejournal.com]

Why don't you invite kid and his folks over for a holiday cocktail or some eggnog? Alternately, if you don't feel you know them well enough, send Charlie over there with a card and a box of chocolates or something.

[carlanime.livejournal.com]

*nods* I agree with what's been said above--accept it; it'd probably make them feel more awkward if you didn't, and you *are* helping out.

[sphinxvictorian.livejournal.com]

I don't see anything wrong with accepting it. It's your pleasure to drive him, but it is his mother's pleasure to be grateful and send along a token of that gratitude. I get rides all the time from people, because I don't drive, and even when they are dropping me on their way somewhere else, I still offer to pay for gas. It's a courtesy thing, really. Just accept it and say thanks and move on, as you say.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

It's free money! Accept it with thanks!

[mabfan.livejournal.com]

I think it was Robert Heinlein who said, when asked how to respond if someone gives you money:

"Say 'thank you.'"

[nam-jai.livejournal.com]

Echoing everyone else: Keep the gift. In addition to lightening their worries about getting him to school, you are saving them money on gas, and their gratitude should be accepted graciously.

[dorei.livejournal.com]

Accept it and say thank you.

[chaosdancer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, ditto - it would make them sad if you gave it back, probably. It wouldn't feel right. If they couldn't afford it they would have given you less, so they must have it to give, and want you to have it. And people you can trust to watch over your kid - priceless.

[dindin.livejournal.com]

Accept it graciously.

[sixth-light.livejournal.com]

Accept it, definitely - fuel money! It's a nice gesture by the kid's parents, too.

[robinchristine.livejournal.com]

If your financial situation was better, I'd say try and give it back. However, I know things are tough. I'd consider it a tiny blessing and say a heartfelt thank you, with an explanation that you don't mind at all driving them to school but you appreciate the money for gas right now.

[pairika.livejournal.com]

My philosophy is this: if someone goes as far as giving you a gift, just accept it with grace. "Guilt" for being given something has no point, really. Just pass along the kindness (which you're already doing in your own way)!

(I have never understood that fake "You shouldn't have!" crap!) ;)

[rayvyn2k.livejournal.com]

Accept it graciously and with thanks. I'm sure his family is very grateful to you for driving him.

[hihankara.livejournal.com]

I agree with everyone who says accept it.

You are being generous and gracious by releiving them of the problem of how to get their kid to school, let them return the favor. :)

[erynnef.livejournal.com]

Keep the loot. Some people get mighty offended when you dont keep it. My uncle is that way. Steve moves a box for him, and he forks out money. My dad always yells because we take it, but if we dont, he just hides the money in my purse, or mails it to us. He's crazy!

[egneveron.livejournal.com]

I could understand how you feel - but maybe his parents really don't have the time to drive him, so they can't return the favor and it makes them feel better to give it to you. If they really didn't want to, they wouldn't have. I know if it were me I would feel better reciprocating in some way. I may not offer cash, but a gift, or gift card or something. I think it was a honest gesture, and not accepting it may make his parents feel bad.

You could always just mention something like what you said, that you appreciate the gift, but it's no problem driving him to school so they don't have to feel like they should pay for some kind of inconvenience.

[jessii-6.livejournal.com]

Just think of it from the other side. You were handed this card - and the money - as a sincere gratefulness act. It would not be pleasurable to have it back. Besides the 20$ is not a payment. I assume having someone to drive your kid to school would cost much more.
So yes, you should accept it